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[phpostock]Drive Momentus, 10[/phpostock]
What can I say about divorce that has not already been said? How much can I go into the unjustice or unfairness of custody and divorce? What can I say that has not already been heard? Well I can say many things and so I shall.
I am a 30 year old guy, dude, father, friend, son, worker, husband (2nd marriage), lover, student, father, play buddy, best friend, pet owner, father. Yes I did put father in there 3 times on purpose because no matter what ever else I am, I am a father first and foremost. Now some of you might say, thats great, bravo for still being a part of your kids lives, but I haven't told you my story yet. When I say I am a father 3 times it could mean because I have 3 kids which is most certainly the truth. I do have 3 kids. My kids are beautiful, smart, funny, and my most proudest achievements, but yet I did NOT put father 3 times for each of them. In fact that is not how I would describe myself at all if I were talking about all 3 kids. I was referring to my son whom I have with my 2nd wife. Now if I were to describe myself just talking about my two daughters whom I he from my first wife I would say I am a 30 year old divorced guy, loser, bestfriend, friend, son, worker, ex-husband, ex-lover, ex-student, bestfriend, pet owner, and then last but certainly least - father.
You see when it comes to my girls I am not their father as I am to my son. It took having a child with my wife now and actually being a real father to make me see the difference. When I realized this momentus thought it hurt me and I felt struck down and sad. I will not lie and say that it does not affect me to this very day, because it does. It affects me everytime they visit me which is quite often. No matter what, I cannot get over the fact that they are not mine as my son is mine and it really changes the light and my point of view. I do not love them any less, or do I? Certainly I am not the only parent who has felt this or realized it, but am I the first one to admit that it is quite troubling to feel a loss of love or any different toward one child to the next? Now this is not about common favorites here.
This I do not partake in. I respect and love my children's individuality and try my best to nourish it. But this is different though. This is not I am fond of one child over the others because he is special or has more skills. If we were to go by that gauge then I would have to say my favorite would be my eldest daughter, but that just is not so. This is about knowing one child through and through. I spend every day with my son, whereas my daughters are here every other weekend with the exception of school holidays at which they spend most of their time with us. When my daughters come our relationship is more along the lines of staying with a favorite family member such as an uncle or aunt. When they are away from their mother they complain about things she does which is normal typical household stuff. With us though it is different. The relationship is not the same and that is quite depressing.
Now what really troubles me is that I have tried to rack my brain to find some sort of work-around, or fix for this problem, but I cannot find one. I suppose that split custody or shared if you prefer is the way to go, but even then I am not sure. I guess you could call me selfish in that I dont like having "part time" kids. Thats the term I nicked for it. I mean its the same concept as having 3 wives like on Big Love. That model just does not fit everyone though. After giving this a lot of thought I have found understanding in the fathers who run off and never speak to their children again.
I am not in any way saying that is what I would ever do, but I can understand what would drive men (or women, cant discriminate here even though most people never think of a woman doing those things) to leave. I propose that for some it might be the best thing for kids, to not see their non-custodial parent again. It would stop the pissy visitations, short coming remarks, and sour attitudes before they were ever exposed to a child. It could also create less heartache for all parties involved. The only problem with this is that I would hate myself for doing something like that and could never not be a part of their lives. So for me and many like me I suffer and do the best I can even though in my heart I know there is a difference between being a father and being a daddy. Who ever said being a parent was easy, never went through a divorce.
Lenore & Gregory Huskey - We are a quickstart company founded in 2005 and have deemed ourselves as truly trying to start a company on as little as possible. We first started out with a few funny shirt ideas, but quickly changed direction to sell Flag Shirts representing over 180 different countries. Our website is http://www.flagpridet-shirts.com
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